11 Ways You’re Annoying On TwitterBy the Branta Webcrawler • May 14th, 2012 • Category: Advice, Branta Recommends, Brave New World, From the Interweb, Ha Ha, Memes
1. Crowd-source your followers
Posted about an hour ago
Asking your followers to recommend restaurants/bars/tourist hot spots to you is the new Google, by which I mean: Why don’t you just use Google? Twitter-sourcing is the laziest form of research. It’s like going to the library, lying down on the floor, and asking relevant books to jump off the shelves onto your face. I don’t know. It’s fine. Just keep it to a minimum – like once a year, maybe. For example, I just asked MY followers what Twitter behavior they found annoying. If, in the next twelve months, I find myself wondering where the best Sasquatch hotspots in the Midwest are located, tough luck. I will be doing that woods-wandering unadvised.
2. Ignore your followers/fans
I understand that at a certain point, a person can attract so many Twitter followers and @-replies that it becomes physically (and mentally) impossible to respond to all of them. Those people get a pass. But for the vast majority of us with fewer than 10,000 Twitter followers, ignoring the people who like you enough to read your stupid jokes and bizarre epiphanies on a daily basis is just rude. Not everything deserves a reply, of course — insults and weird come-ons are better left to rot unanswered on your interactions page, probably — but when someone tweets to tell you that they like you? Respond! Do you remember what it was like when NOBODY ever talked to you on Twitter? I do. It was less than a year ago. Those were the darkest days of my life.
3. Tweet about food
Nobody has ever cared or will ever care about what you’re eating for lunch. I have literally never wanted to know anything less. An exception is granted if you are a food blogger or a chef. Presumably, the people who are twisted enough to follow you won’t mind if you tweet about your butter-braised quinoa or whatever. If you are JWOWW, or anyone else, just put food in your mouth about three times a day, chew it quietly, and swallow. There are no other necessary actions.
See the other eight over at Buzzfeed